I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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