remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
someone owes me an orgasm
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
