you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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