soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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