Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
