Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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