why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
