Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
