the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
