hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
