We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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