I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Randomize
