I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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