i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Randomize
