dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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