I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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