How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
If that was your dad, he is hot
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
