I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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