I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
