at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
