i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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