We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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