Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
