I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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