i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
