Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Farmville is her only friend.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
