so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
