I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
