he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
