Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Randomize
