4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
You should frame my arrest warrant.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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