dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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