I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I just blew my weed a kiss
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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