At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
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