onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
