Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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