i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Found the puke drawer
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
