I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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