I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Randomize
