i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
