Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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