the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
