I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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