Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
