I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
