whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
