I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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