This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
