After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
