and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
