Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
